Well, I guess there isn't much to say anymore. . . I cant seem to handle this any longer. The more I try to just deal with it the more it eats at me, the more I seem to become bitter the more I chose to be angry. 'chose', huh, I don't know if I'm choosing this anymore. . . maybe, but then maybe I am as crazy as she says. . . Maybe. . . I cant really tell. I sit and deal, playing stupid so that others can feel the way they wish to, the way they want to feel superior. all I seem to do is sit back, I thought. I thought that maybe, I would be able to push forward. I could maybe be strong enough for this. But what kind of life, for what. I just don't know. I've been struggling so long to get somewhere, pay my dues. But that just isn't enough. Everyone sees the progress but what about the progress I see, where is it? I get up go to work everyday, and I mean everyday, holidays and weekends. I have a long days work with the horses, working babies and doing some difficult ground work and breaking babies. Come home, go do some more stalls at a local barn to pay my rent, take some muscle relaxants then I may eat something then I go to sleep just to get up and do it again. I don't tend to see any friends . . . but a friend did tell me once 'don't fear goals that take time, the time will pass anyway' . . . ( well I'm done my little rant) but anywho (sorry about the rant, its more for me to feel better then for you to know ><.


I hope everyone is having a good thanksgiving. I haven't been able to have one yet, life isn't allowing that just yet. But soon my family will be getting together and hopefully I will be able to have some fun with them. My barn is almost finished getting built which is really cool the roof is almost fully sheeted with the metal roofing. My horses seem to be enjoying themselves, they have nice clean and rubber matted stalls with some really nice shavings. The only struggle is that Mandy (my QH) wants to be in Whispers (my TB) stall all the time, even when they are turned out. Guess she thinks that she deserves that stall, instead of her stall, even though the only difference is the side of the barn that its on.

Anywho, hope you are all doing good. Have a good holiday season.

Have it out people
XXXX

Life . . . well its going, its been alright over the past few months, going on much as it has the past year. I have had almost a month off now from work and am going to start attacking things if I don't go back to work soon. I ended up not working for the trainer in this winter that I thought I would be because of a lack of horses. We had to put two beautiful two year olds down. That really eats me up inside. One had ring-bones disease, and couldn't walk so we thought that it was the kindest thing to do for him. The other had this virus that was going around, and we couldn't control his temperature, we were doing cold compressions on his entire body and giving him all sorts of vet prescribed temp. reducers but he wasn't able to fight, so we ended it for him.

". . . So I smile and try to mean it
to let myself let go . . ."

So we only have four horses at the farm, so I got hired by a different trainer, who I have to sign over to today at five. I'm excited to continue with my life but sad at the outcome of the other horses. The breeders of the racing quality thoroughbreds don't seem to take into consideration what their mass breeding production is doing to the quality of the horses in the long run.


Anywho . . .My little Whisper is doing great [link] <- cute picture of her playing in her paddock. Her vet bill came to a total of 3,100 and a little for bute and more antibiotics which did shit cause there was no infection as indicated by four joint and fluid cultures. But she is doing great now, I took her on a walk yesterday and she loved it. Other then that our barn building is doing great we are going to have all the roof on before thanksgiving and all the walls are almost up, but Whisper is already in a stall cause she has no winter coat. My pony Lightning got sick a little while ago but he is doing good now, just a bit of a cold.

Other then that I am doing great, having a good time. Lots of fun moments and few sad ones, but without the bad how could I have the great times.


Well, have it out people

XXXX

Lorski

Well I guess a lot has happened since March, seeings how that was when my last journal entry was . . . so here we go:


I guess life has been good, lots of love, laughs, and hard work. There are still clouds in the skies on certain days, and most recently there has been more cloudy days then sunny. Although the summer whether has put me in a better things still are a change'n. Well 19 rolled around very uneventful. Although my weeks have been going good, working six days a week and enjoying every moment of it. Still working at the track, but having a heck of a good time there, except for when the horses are a little silly and I end up getting trod on or something. Other then that the horses are great, we've been running some great races, we took the B.C Day Cup with our big boy Krazy Koffee. It was a great race and Koffe was very proud of himself, and got lots of love, hugs and candies ^^ (well i gave him the love, hugs and candies.)

My sister got married last Saturday which was awesome, I'm hoping to upload some pictures of the wedding by the end of this week. Everything went amazing and my speech when was the thing i was most worried about went very well.

I rescued a two year old little filly from the track last month named Orchid's Hope A.K.A Whisper, who lost her first race and was declared useless by her owners. Even though they payed about 75,000 dollars. So I got a free baby which I brought home and added to my three other horses, they love her already, except my bay QH named Mandy who is still a little upset I brought a baby horse home cause she hates babies. Although a Gelding that Whisper was housed with ended up biting her in the hock and causing me about 800 dollars a couple Saturday's ago and then had to go to the clinic for five days but has been back and doing very well for the past weeks, and is slowly getting better, and the soft tissue damage to her leg is now getting much better. Although it has been a week since I got her back home and my Vet has yet to send me a vet bill, of which I am not feeling the best about since I was estimated before she went at 1500-4500 dollars so I'm a little anxious to see my bill. But she is very worth it and since there wasn't enough damage to really hurt the leg she should make a full recovery.

But other then the few little hick-ups in my life I have been very well, and am waiting for the end of the racing season to go and break babies for next years racing season although with the winter Olympics the track may be closed for those months which would give me a much larger hunk of time to break even more babies at the farm.

Well that's it people

Have it out XXXX


Lorski

Hey there,

Its been a while since I have updated my journal (not that anyone reads these anymore anyway. But its more for my own mental health ). Well whats new . . . not much really. I had to move in with my dad because the economy is shit, and I am not going to school at the moment with I really would like to be doing. And I am now working at the race track in Vancouver which means I get up at 3 in the morning every morning and that I work 6 days a week instead of 5 which kind of bites but hey that's just a little more money in the pocket right.

I turn 19 on Monday the 23rd of this month. I guess its cool. But I am really sick right now. I had an upper respiratory infection for a good week then the stomach flew and now I have a kick ass ear infection in my right ear. Its bleeding and pussing. I went to the doc and all they could tell me was that "I would live" and gave me some antibiotics, and some ear drops. But my balance is so off and I'm sort of tired of not being able to hear out of that ear.

Although other then that my life is going well enough, everything is alright it seems, and those that aren't are not really that big a deal or I would have fixed the issue by now.

I hope to be buying my new computer by the middle of next month which I am really excited about. But other then that that's about all that has been happening.


Well have it out people

Peace XXXX

Heya all,

Its been a while since I updated my journal so I thought maybe I would give it a shot again. Whats happened to me lately . . . Lets start with I finished my first Quarter of College, with a B average, and although I know I can do better and I know it, I am please with how it worked out. I did have to move back to Point Roberts since the U.S economy is so bad I couldn't find a second job so that I could keep going to school and renting the place I was in, so I am now living on the Point again, in a nice little 3 bedroom two bathroom, house that over looks the beach. It is quiet cozy at home.

I do really miss my friends, I feel like I didn't get to live the full 'living with your friends' experience since I was always tired, and just wanted some quiet time to myself after I got home from school. I really with living over there had been easier in the ways of work, cause I think it would have been more fun since I would have been more carefree, if I was able to get more then eight hours a week at work.

Anywho, I'm still kicking and well. I hope you all have whethered as well or better then I have. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Have it out people,
XXXX
Later.